A Fast Show Threesome - Ted And Ralph/Grass/Swiss Tony DVD

Grass:
Billy Bleach is happy with his life. Going to his Thai cookery classes. Living with his mum. Visiting his brother in the nick. Bothering Japanese tourists. Then he witnesses that gangland murder, and they put him in the Witness Protection Programme. Typical.

Exiled to a halfway-cottage in deepest Norfolk, he finds himself under the protection of a local bobby, 'Heartbeat', the highlight of whose career so far has been doing security at the harvest festival. Soon they are joined by the Met: DCI Maddox, an old-school copper, and DCI Veal, the very essence of the modern CID. They know that there is more to policing than kicking down doors and eating burgers in cars, and have a worrying penchant for homoerotic Greco-Roman wrestling. Mutual distrust prevails.

With his brother being threatened in prison and Mum running off with her fancy man to a sweet shop in Pontypridd, Billy doesn't relish being stuck 'in the arse-end of nowhere'. But, given an interim new identity, he frequents the local inn, the Cross Hare (incorporating Le Bateau Jus Viande); plots his pursuit of village vet Jemma; organises Little Mockwell's first Poetry Olympics; and befriends a precocious child with a keen interest in Victoriana, the Internet and Twix bars. Where will it all end? Florida? Or somewhere darker?

Swiss Toni:
Swiss Toni is a proud man - proud of his car showroom, his happy marriage, his unique sense of style and his immaculately coiffured hair. He is a man's man, from a time when more wore driving goggles, curry had raisins in it and women stayed marries. In his world everything can be compared to making love to a beautiful woman and he knows the way to a lady's heart is via fine wines, Belgian chocolates and the manly smell of a pipe.

Sadly his life is fast careering off the rails. His marriage is crumbling, his business collapsing and his domineering mother (Elizabeth Spriggs) is convinced that he's actually gay.

It is down to his staff to try and hold things together. Head salesman, Geoff (Simon Day), alcoholic, bitter and fatally attracted to Swiss's put-upon wife, Ruth (Matilda Zeigler). Paul, the naive junior salesman (Rhys Thomas) who worships Swiss and Miranda, the receptionist (Emma Rydal), a wild child who Swiss is both appalled by and secretly drawn to.

Ted And Ralph:
For years Ralph has lived alone in the big house, his loneliness occasionally enlivened by the delights of French cinema, the rhythms of Tamla Motown and most of all by encounters with his gardener and handyman Ted. Despite the constant problems of the drainage in the lower field, Ted loves working in the grounds, returning to the care of Mrs Ted in the evenings.

But their life is now under threat. If Ralph isn't married before his 35th birthday, he will lose the estate to his deranged Aunt Cecilia. Reluctantly, and with the aid of Ted, he sets out to find a wife. But where do you find the perfect girl for the man who already has all he ever wanted - almost.

Reviews